Giving respect and appreciation is a choice. You can choose to appreciate what is good in your colleagues and yourself. You can choose to enjoy people fully, foibles and all. How? Learn to see beyond temporary difficulties, style conflicts, cultural differences and “push back.” Choose to see things that can be appreciated in a situation or in people. Observe people—both new hires and long-time employees—and try to catch them at what they do well. Don’t only appreciate people for what they do but also for who they are.
Soon you will begin to notice how people who feel sincerely respected and appreciated seem especially confident and motivated. Well-grounded respect from leaders and colleagues builds self-assurance and commitment toward others. People who know that you respect them are more willing to go the extra mile and do what needs to be done. They come to work with energy in their step and with a light heart. It can make work fun!
The power of verbal appreciation
One of the easiest and most effective ways to build relationships is by expressing appreciation for people and their work. Leaders can offer simple, sincere, and specific comments which are based on what they see going on in the organization. Genuine appreciation based on real evidence can make a big difference in motivating individuals and groups to creatively resolve problems.
Verbal appreciation at appropriate times helps build confidence, making people feel more and more capable. Especially new hires. People may be capable, but they cannot know for sure that others see this unless their abilities are verbally recognized.
Effective leaders tell people they work with what a wonderful and important job they are doing. They comment on:
- What people do well
- How hard people work
- How much people care
We are always looking at some level for assurance and reassurance that we are OK—even those of us who are tough and serious on the outside. Offering approval and praise, with a positive tone of voice and sincere facial expression, makes an impact on people whoever they are. On-going appreciation by leaders builds relationships in an organization wherever it is.
How can we give respectful appreciation?
Early in relationships we often don’t fully trust each other. We may not feel safe with one another. Initially, trust is about possibilities. The evidence is not there yet. Still, it is possible to demonstrate respect and give others face, thus laying the foundation for trust in the future.
Harvard Business School professor and management guru Rosabeth Moss Kanter observes that sincere and meaningful support can generate confidence and trust. But she stresses that appreciation needs to be based on real evidence. “Confidence is a situational expectation—expectation of a positive outcome. . . .[But] a pep talk without evidence is empty, and people see right through it.”
The first step in cultivating a respectful, appreciative outlook is to begin talking about what is truly going well. Appreciative comments need to be about things that have really happened, such as:
- Aspects of the organization that are going so smoothly people tend to forget them
- Genuine possibilities for the group
- Real progress in what people are doing and how they are doing it (their attitude, behavior and skills).
For many relationship- and group-oriented people, appreciation from seniors, elders and company leaders is the quickest path to confident and effective action. Many people look for approval from from figures of authority. Effective leaders show confidence in the people around them. In return, people believe that they can do what they are asked to do—and in fact they often go far beyond what anyone had imagined possible.
[If leaders are considered a good judge of success, then a leader’s confidence in a person can be relied on meaning of this sentence not clear]. Authority figures who observe respectfully and express approval appropriately instill confidence in people. In addition, one-on-one relationships that grow in an atmosphere of appreciation and respect build trust on both sides. Both sides become confident that they can ask for and receive guidance and cooperation from each other.
Every culture has barbed names for the act of overdoing appreciation to gain favor: “brown nosing” or “shining someone’s shoes” or “kissing ass” or “patting the horse’s ass”. But if appreciation and respect are given sincerely for things that have really happened and for genuine qualities people display, they are the foundation of satisfying relationships, both one-on-one and in groups. The confidence and community that grow when people feel appreciated can provide the internal strength to go forward and do something new.
REAL EVIDENCE + POSITIVE EXPECTATIONS +
RESPECTFUL APPRECIATION = RESULTS